Hughes's Promotion
by Rakuengaki
Summary: Look at the Fairy! Hughes screamed as he ran through the bar clutching a bottle of Whiskey in one hand and trying to catch something that only he could see while Roy Mustang was saying, And that's why elepants should be in the friggin army!


Disclaimer: Don't own FMA

It was a wonderful Sunday morning. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, the children were playing on their day off from school, and Riza Hawkeye had to severely resist the urge to shoot Black Hayate in the rump for his incessant barking. Yes, Riza Hawkeye, the lump curled up in bed with the covers over her head, was hung over. Not just the little tiny hangover that many suffer from but a full blown hangover that resorted her thoughts to be of shooting her precious dog yet being to ill to do it. As she lay there with a pillow over her head and the blankets curled around her she began to think of ways to possibly kill and or torture the idiots that had dragged her into the bar. Roy Mustang, the now Lieutenant Colonel Hughes, and Second Lieutenant Havoc, would all pay for this grave indiscretion.

Flash Back

It was approximately seven o'clock that Saturday evening when they arrived at the bar. Maes Hughes, now a Lieutenant Colonel, had urged Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, and Havoc to join them on a celebratory excursion to a bar for his promotion. Riza had told herself that she would be the responsible one as always and make sure that the boys got home safely. Little did she know that Roy and Hughes had… very different plans for her. As they arrived at the bar at eight that fine Saturday evening they noticed that it was already fairly full. However, being state alchemists they were allowed entry and all settled at the bar ordering a round of drinks and toasting to the success of their dear friend Maes Hughes. Yes it was quite the jovial evening with many laughs and many rounds of drinks.

end flash back

Yes, That part Riza Hawkeye remembered quite well. The next few incidents, however, were blurry and not very well formed. The pieces that she did remember were… odd. With Maes Hughes running around screaming something about fairies, Roy Mustang speaking of elephants and Havoc doing something with a coat rack. Yes it was… very odd. Another odd occurrence was why she had a large bruise on her right shin. She would have called the bar owner and asked what had happened however that required getting out of bed and stepping into the sunlight. …That was something that she quite frankly didn't want to do.

At the bar that brilliant Sunday afternoon, the Bartender was wiping down the counter and restocking it to prepare for the slow evening business. His assistant was, thankfully, restoring the tables to their normal positions and the chairs to their proper spaces. The rowdiness of the previous night still burned in his memory and made him disgust soldiers even more then he normally did. The bartender, no matter how much he loved the army for his own son was among their ranks, thought that no high ranking soldier should be getting so rip roaring drunk with all of the rumors floating about. His lip curled even more as he thought of those disgusting, and the one very attractive female in their group, soldiers and the state in which they had left his bar.

Flash back

The evening with the soldiers began normal enough with them all celebrating and toasting to Hughes' promotion. They talked, joked, drank, and it was very light hearted for around three hours before things began to get a bit… odd. The bespectacled man, who he assumed had just received the afore mentioned promotion, began to show the bartender many pictures of his daughter. She was a very adorable girl and he agreed with the man on her current state of adorableness many a time yet one of his friends who was just barely tipsy suggested that they all try a round of shots of the most powerful liquor they had in stock. No one could really stand it very well because of the strong flavor yet as the shots were distributed among the small band of soldiers and they downed them all immediately the result was… interesting.

The youngest of the group sat still for two seconds before toppling from his chair while the black haired man's head fell to the table. The bespectacled member of their group was silent for quite sometime before a sudden shiver wracked his body and his coughed quite loudly. The female, Riza Hawkeye was her name for he was sure to get her name at the very least, nearly chocked and also began to cough. The youngest pulled himself back into his chair laughing his ass off while the other sat up and licked his lips.

"That was actually really good," he said. The others nodded in agreement and just as they were about to order another round of drinks the youngest caught sight of someone.

"Hey, Major Armstrong!" he called. "Come join us!" the blonde curled burly man walked over and happily joined the others in another round of shots which was followed by more laughter and the ordering more drinks. Mere moments later the suggestion of a drinking contest was brought up and the blonde man quickly stood and posed famously.

"I shall have you know my dear friends that the Art of the Drinking Contest has been a tradition of the Armstrong line for generations! We of the Armstrong bloodline have long been able to consume massive amounts of alcohol and retain it and this has been passed down for generations!" he exclaimed and quickly ordered many, many, many shots of tequila. The shots were consumed on the count of three for the next half hour or so before Havoc's eye was drawn to someone at the bar. He quickly resigned and, after composing himself, stepped over to the bar and took up a seat beside the woman. The others continued their contest until Riza, also resigning, got up to get another glass of wine and Hughes and Roy gave in to the massive hulk of a Major who was celebrating his victory by posing many a time and nearly making the other two men split their sides with laughter.

Sometime during the evening as the youngest was sitting at the bar talking to a very attractive woman, his hand resting upon her thigh, the Colonel of the group walked by on his quest to the bathroom.

"You do realize that that's a man right, Havoc?" he asked before continuing towards the other man. Havoc stopped his chat immediately and, with very little shame, promptly reached under the "lady's" skirt and paled to an almost grayish white before he was slapped and the "lady" walked out. The bartender, feeling sympathy towards the young man slid a beer to him, which was promptly downed and slammed upon the bar where another beer was waiting for him. A short while later Hughes ordered a full bottle of Scotch and Whiskey, one for him and one for his other black haired companion. Armstrong ordered a glass of co Nyack and rejoined his companions at the table, also carrying the lady's full glass of wine and a new bottle for her, on the house of course. The evening then proceeded, at least for the next hour or so, peacefully and in good spirits, however, as the evening grew longer and the occupants fewer and more drunk it turned… strange.

"Roy! Roy, look!" Hughes yelled pointing at the air randomly, his bottle of whiskey in one hand and the other shaking his drunken companion roughly upon the shoulder. "Look at the pretty fairy!" Roy, who saw no fairy and left Hughes to drink and chase after the ever illusive figment of his imagination turned towards Armstrong and Riza again to begin his conversation a new.

"They're incredibly strong, huge, and not stupid in the least!" he was saying before taking another swig from his bottle.

"But do you know how much maintaining those ugly thingamajiggers would cost?" Riza half slurred downing her glass of wine.

"Who cares! They're tanks damnit!" Roy exclaimed. "I'm tellin' ya elepants need ta be in the friggin army!" The colonel then proceeded to stumble over to the beer chugging Havoc to try and promote his idea more. Hawkeye, after having consumed at least one and a half bottles of wine, turned to the major and narrowed her eyes.

"I know what needs to be in the army!" she said. Armstrong, his cheeks rosy and almost as drunk as the others, stopped her before she could say anything further.

"Indeed!" he began. "the Furher must see the ushefulness of the Armshtrong Family's shecret shtore of Flying… snake… dog… bird thingies!" Riza Hawkeye, not thinking this strange at all, clapped her hands in glee.

"Yesh!" she screamed. "Flying snakeydogybirdyies would be perfect for the army! And we can strap cannons to their backs and really do some damage!" As all of this was occurring Hughes, still clutching the half empty whiskey bottle in his hand, leaped behind the bar, threw and arm around the bartender's neck, much to his annoyance, and waved in the air at something only he could apparently see.

"Looklooklooklooklook!" he screamed excitedly. "The Elisia Fairy has come to spread her cuteness upon the world!" He then leapt over the bar and proceeded to climb like a monkey over the massive hulk of Major Armstrong who was currently engaged in begging for his hand to be set free from Riza Hawkeye who had managed to beat the man in arm wrestling. Roy, after having abandoned Havoc to his make out session with the bar's current coat rack, which no one would ever be using again as he was doing very… unnatural and disturbing things with his tongue all along the polished wood, began to prance around singing something very, very, very off key about ponies and rainbows and kittens and the like. The insanity continued until the bartender had gotten so sick of it that he threw them out, locked the doors, shut the lights off……… turned the lights back on, unlocked and opened the door, confiscated the bottles and glasses of liquor, stormed back inside muttering about stupid irresponsible soldiers, and relocked the doors while shutting the lights off. There was a very, very brief moment of peace before the soldiers began to laugh. Hughes, however, did not bother to wish his friends goodbye as he fled down the street begging for the numerous, still unseen, Elisia Fairies to stay with him as he ran towards home…… where he was promptly greeted by a very upset Mrs. Hughes and a frying pan… and a rolling pin… and a book… and another frying pan.

Havoc, Roy Mustang, and Armstrong all wrapped their arms around the other's neck (Roy being in the middle with havoc on his left and Armstrong on his right for the hulking Major was far to big for either of them to reach easily) and skipped………. Ok fell down the street towards their separate abodes. Riza Hawkeye also made her way home and as she walked in the door was greeted by the barking of her new dog for several seconds before she pulled her gun and shot at the poor thing, missing horribly (thank god) and fell to her bed without taking off her evening attire.

End Flashback

Riza rinsed her mouth out for the umpteenth time that day and proceeded to stumble down the hallway back to her room, managing to throw a book at Black Hayate (and still missing horribly but achieving her goal of shutting the poor creature up), and fell back into bed shuffling back under the blankets. That was most certainly the FINAL time she ever went out drinking with the boys for the words "Look at the Fairies!" were still ringing in her head for some odd reason.

A/N: Sooo……. What'd ya guys think? I actually came up with this idea from my brother and we were talking about something or other but it ultimately led to the formation of this idea. He also helped me on the production of it in that I had no idea what everyone would be drinking. Thanks Bro!


End file.
